Living on the farm two miles from The In-laws can be… colorful.
As anyone in the independent farming culture – or character from the TV show “Everybody Loves Raymond” – can tell you, it’s that there are times when a person’s constant presence can be overwhelming and quickly tests your patience.
In the early years of our marriage, my grace and understanding were nearly choked to death by various differences, usually due to a “this is how we did things growing up” mentality.
And more often than not, I would look my husband square in the face, scissors in hand ready to cut the apron (or bale) strings myself, and wonder what I got myself into and whether their daily home visit routine was going to last forever.
Each time, however, with gritted teeth I chose to take a step back and look at the situation through the lens of my new parents, and many times this brought me to my knees of the basement-dwelling oak chest, filled with well-organized photo albums of Country Man’s youth.
And by doing so, I was given the gift of a glimpse into the people who loved him first…
A glimpse into the woman who gave him his first kiss,
and taught him about playful lovin’…
Each flip of the page told me more about the people who nurtured these deliciously plump legs,
I’m… too sexy for this 80′s recliner
and with gentle touching, guided his squishy arms into a survivable hug hold…
They gave him his first view from the top,
and first taste of life on the wild side…
Showed him the simple joys in life,
often discovered in simple wrapping paper…
or a blanket square tightly wound.
Ah, she’s not so bad, he decides after time…
Parents who gave him a boy’s best friend,
and the boy who learned the more, the merrier, right?
Putting the album back into place, I breath a silent thank you to the people who created this blue-eyed, animal loving hunter
(yes, they exist).
The man still filled with their sacrificial love,
and with that love experienced, now pours it on to those around him.
With that sought-after understanding, patience wins another day.
~~~
Yes in-laws can be a pain for sure and if mine have taught me anything at all in my life it has been tolerance. It makes me stop and think why do I feel this way? I am glad someone else other than me practices tolerance.
I’m amazed how much this situation has taught me, and while I don’t always take a step back right away (you know, when the scissors are in hand), I am glad when I do take a moment and think outside my frustration. Thank you for reading!
Yes. This is exactly what helps the most when frustrated with in-laws- they are the ones who loved him first.
It’s hard to remember that sometimes! Always glad when I do. These pictures help.
Thank you for reading!
Just gotta say, glad to know someone who can relate! The good outweighs the bad, but it can put strain on the relationship at times.
Such sweet photos. As I get ready to be a wife, I’m reminded that I’m marrying the whole family! My favorite is the chubby legs shot.
I know, it’s such a cute photo! I love the wheel barrow one with his sis
Hope the wedding planning is going well!
It’s feeling like crunch time… but it’s all good stuff!
Yes, patience always wins… I love the paneling and the recliner and mom kissing him. Events are timeless, things are dated.
I love that photo, too. Speaks volumes of their love for their first child. Thank you for stopping by and reading!
profound – you taught yourself well
Has not been easy, that’s for sure. Many times I had a piece of mind to give. Thankfully, I have matured some and adjusted to my new world. Thank you so much for reading!
I love this… I have had the best in-laws in the world, but they did, at times, try my understanding. So much easier when we are willing to learn and step out of our own experience!
I love that what you said. So glad to have an understanding blogging community! I’ve seen many families fall apart from these types of things, and when in the middle of it, I can see why. Communication has been key.
My in-laws live in Australia, we live in the US….
Love the sweetness of the photos and the message, but I’m not sure he was too happy about you taking that last photo! Ha! Very cute.
Thank you for reading! And Australia…. that’s around a 9-hour time difference, right? Must only have a few hours during the day to call one another.
Ha! *Wink* You get me.
This is terribly sweet
I identify with everything you said, everything! I learned so much about how to truly understand my husband by really listening to and getting to know his parents – without getting defensive or impatient! Not always the easiest task, but definitely worth it 
Everything you’ve said = so true! Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment; I really appreciate it.
Wow. What a wonderful lesson. I am blown away by the perspective you shared with us. It makes perfect sense. I hope I remember this the next time I am frustrated by the in-laws. (wink)
lol you’ll be glad you did when those boys make you a mother-in-law!
Amen!! AMEN.
I echo what Lenore said! this was one of my all-time favorite posts of yours, Simple Life! Managed to make me see things differently and brought a tear to my eye.
Thank you, Maineiac! I appreciate that, and the authenticity you share on your site regarding strained relations with your mom. Nice to know I am not the only one lacking a picture perfect family relationship!
What a cool post, love the old pics. Aside from the lesson of relationships with in laws… one of thing strange things I took from this… I remember looking through old pictures of my family and my parents when they were young, in old ratty photo albums. I love walking into antique shops and looking through the boxes of old discarded pictures. I wonder sometimes what my kids will look at. With digital cameras we take thousands more photos than we used to, but where do they end up? Facebook pages, in folders on our computer, sometimes left to die on some camera somewhere. I don’t know, I’m not trying to be a technology scrooge… sometimes I’m a technology addict, but I thing we are losing something here.
So true! My husband and I have talked about that before, too. That is one thing I appreciate about blogging; what a neat gift for your kids to see their Dad’s thoughts and the feedback he received. I would have loved glimpses into my grandparents lives through their journaling/writing.
Interestingly, my wife goes in periodically and prints out all my posts and puts them in binders for safekeeping. Guess she’s worried about some apocalypse that will wipe out the internet and all the blogging websites!
40 + years ago my husband and I took over the family farm, moved into the family farm house and displaced his parents. I remember the feelings you described like it was yesterday. But then something really great happened. My mother-in-law became one of my best friends. Because every trial and error we made on the farm, she had already lived through and survived. And she understood me so well.. She knew when to step in and when to step out. I miss her so much.
Great post. Brought back many memories.
This was my favorite comment, because it is was I hope to happen for my mother-in-law and me. She has done the best she can, but my father-in-law has made this arrangement pretty hard at times and sometimes she’s left to pick sides. I hope for things to get better so I can get to know her more and be better friends.
How wise you are to look at his beginnings in this way toward understanding. A lovely post and thanks so much for sharing.
Thank you!
Perfection.
Thank you SO much for stopping in!
We live 5 miles from my in-laws, and there are times I’m sure they tire of me popping over unannounced (our place is definitely not on their ‘route’ unless they’re headed to grandma and grandpa’s, so less ‘dropping in’ on their end). It is a huge blessing, and sometimes a little too much. But aren’t all relationships like that in some way or another?
I bet they love your drop-ins! And did I see something on Twitter a while back about #2?? Congrats if so!
Beautifully said
Thank you so very much, TCL!
Beautiful!
Thank you, Shannon!
Those pictures were so moving. Most old photos are just people lined up smiling! We didn’t know too much then about taking candid photos. These were great.
After having my own son, I learned to better tolerate my mother-in-law’s son-worship.
ha! Good luck with that
Oh Snap!!
We live about 1/2 mile from my in-laws. I love them to death, but I understand where you are coming from. I actually dread the thought of having to move someday, because I won’t know how to make it work without them across the corn field. Your pictures are amazing.
Thank you! And glad you can understand. I actually look forward to moving; I think it will make things better to have some distance.
Thanks for sharing! I love my in-laws! I tell my mother in law frequently thank you for raising an amazing son!
That’s awesome!
Beautiful sentiments! We’re visiting in our son’s home this week & I hope I’m being the kind of mother-in-law that his wife is happy to have around.
I hope your visit goes well! I have no doubts you are a thoughtful, considerate MIL. Thank you so much for reading!
It’s so wonderful that you could escape to that chest of wonderful pictures to keep from letting the in-laws drive you crazy! “I’m too sexy for this 80s recliner” really made me laugh, and as soon as I saw Country Man’s dad, I was like, “Wow, they look alike!” Handsome catch ya got there!
Thank you Jules!
What a wonderful post! I’ll have to try thinking some of these things the next time……
lol, thanks so much for reading Dianna!
you are a saint. and that’s it.
oh my gosh, hardly at all. Seriously, the scissors came out to cut the apron strings… no joke.
Thanks for reading!
I love my in-laws. I joke with my husband that I married him for his parents. That’s a real blessing, especially since my mom and I aren’t overly close. But then again, I don’t have an intrusive mother in law. Your husband really better appreciate you and your patience.
That is a real blessing! I am so glad you have that; maybe some day I will, too.
What a great post! So enjoyed this one. I appreciate your reflective spirit.
Aw, thank you so much, Erica! I really, really appreciate that.
I always wondered how couples who lived close to in-laws/parents managed. Now I know. it’s a matter of having the right perspective.
Its awesome that you can look at them through love and see the good intentions behind the relationship. That makes you an awesome daughter-in-law and wife by the way!
This was the perfect post for me this morning, as my MIL will be here tonight… for three days! My husband and I used to live 1/4 mile from his mom, and now we are living next door to my parents. Regardless of whose parents, it is ALWAYS a trying experience living within such a close distance. That constant presence is HARD! Thank you for sharing. Gives me a little more patience for this woman about to enter my house
It is really hard! I’ve had the most struggle with my FIL since he comes to the farm every day. It’s gotten better, but it was/is a bumpy journey. I’ve had to step back time and time again. I hope your time with your MIL is lovely!
Well here’s to lots of patience
Oh I have missed reading your words so much while I’ve been away from blogging. You have been my first port of call upon returning. This is beautiful writing as always. x
I have missed your writing so much while I’ve been away from blogging. It is so lovely to come back and read such beautiful words as always. x
Thank you for sharing your love of your man….and his childhood pictures