Five years we’ve been married, and what a magical, problem-free union it’s been for us.
Well, magical, sometimes, but problem-free? Hardly.
We’ve had our share of hardships, and no doubt we will face more in the years to come. But I can safely say I’ve learned a few fail-proof tools in that time, and maybe you can relate.
Without further ado, here is my list of ten ways to keep the home fires burning:
1. Always make a big deal about homecoming
When your loved one walks through the door after a long day, be happy. Smile. Greet him or her with a big hug. Don’t miss that moment. Nothing better than seeing someone’s face light up at your presence.
2. Remember your manners
It’s easy to take kind gestures for granted, but a simple “please” and “thank you” goes a long way.
3. Learn to love what they love
When Country Man’s dog was young, he nipped at my sweet widdle yorkie and I didn’t know if we could be friends. Well, I gave him a second chance and fell hopelessly in love with him. While that was an easy one for me, some things completely foreign I’ve learned to appreciate, and the same goes for him.
yeah hunting!
4. It’s the little displays of affection
Mouthing “I love you” in a crowded room, holding hands, or a quick touch of the side as you pass by… the brief encounters that let your loved one know you’re thinking of them. Human touch is powerful.
5. Celebrate!
Birthdays, anniversaries big or small, job promotions… put the music on and open that special bottle of wine! Life is short, so take advantage of any reason to celebrate.
Best … Birthday … EVER!
6. See your loved one through another’s eyes
There have been times in our marriage where stress is high and dreams seem so far out of reach that we forget to see each other for who we are. It helps to step back and see him/her with a fresh perspective. I look at Country Man the way someone who doesn’t know his faults might see him, and it reminds me to focus on the good.
7. Never ever criticize or talk bad about him/her in public
You chose this person, so in a sense, you’re cutting yourself down as well. Just don’t do it, because more than likely, you’ll regret it. An older friend of mine gave me this advice early on, and I took it to heart.
8. Create your own traditions
Start something that is just between you two. Maybe a once-a-year B & B weekend stay? Brandy on Christmas Day? (I’ve never had brandy before, so maybe that’s a bad suggestion).
9. Dream together
There is something innocent about dreaming together. Even if your dreams never materialize, the conversation opens up a window into your each person’s heart.
10. Stay young at heart
Every heartbreak in life is an opportunity to harden ourselves.
Watching our beloved dog die made my heart ache so much it felt irreparable. I ache yet for the empty kennel, and I ache for the piece from our idealistic world that death stole. I have to deliberately open my heart back up to love, to stay young at heart despite what comes our way.
Well, that’s my list of ten ways to keep the love alive.
I hope your home fire is burning in a good way.
I meant literal fire… didn’t you?
~~~
This is a very poignant piece full of richness to guide the married life. Thanks for sharing your heart. I’m taking note!
Thank you, Angelia!
Such a good list! I especially love the traditions my husband and I have developed over the years and now hearing our kids say “we’ve always done” this or that. I also agree that it’s critical to never speak badly to others about your spouse! The only thing I would add that has been a huge part of our marriage is having a sense of humor about life (not teasing or making fun of one another –ever!– but laughing together). GREAT list, happy anniversary!
I love your addition on humor and not teasing. Such a good point!
a wonderful list–I will take it to heart–after 30 years of marriage, a little refresher course does not hurt–you are a wise woman–especially like the warm welcome when he comes home
Thank you! It seems the warm welcome resonates with many people. Must be more important than I realized! Good to see you!
been doing it consciously since I read your post and it really works
Love, love, love this post!
Thank you, Beth!
A great list – thoughtful and meaningful – we have lived by many of those suggested in our 30+ marriage. I would also include – learn how to disagree – always tricky. Congrats and wishing you both many more happy years together. K
Thank you! I have lots to learn yet, but sincerely appreciate hearing from you and what you’ve learned in married life so far. And congrats on 30+ years!
You are so sweet and so wise in many ways — I really love this post and despite the fact that you’re half my age, you have twice the good sense I have had in my marriage I think. I especially like your advice about making a big deal out of the homecoming (that means a WHOLE lot to my husband) … and of not saying anything bad about your husband to anyone else. Really SMART! Happy anniversary !!!
Thank you Betty! Our anniversary was actually back in July, but I suppose we could celebrate again in October!
Congratulations on 5 years!
Oh, I loved every bit of this post. The photos were perfect. I agree about the little displays of affection. I’ve been married almost 13 years and make sure every day we hold hands or hug or kiss each other on the cheek. Life is pretty hectic, so taking the time to do the little things really calms the soul. I am so sorry about your beloved dog. My husband and I have been through so many ups and downs, grieving deaths and illnesses. But we know we can lean on each other to get through, and that is priceless.
It is very encouraging to hear from those married longer than us. Thank you!
What a wonderful list! I think the first one is so important and so easy to forget. It’s a small way to make sure your loved ones feel special every day.
Thanks Jackie!
Great advice to hold onto in stressful and happy times. Thanks. I’ve tried brandy. Yuck!:)
haha! Brandy looks so sophisticated, but I guess we’ll nix that from our traditions.
Reblogged this on anniemaeblog and commented:
Brilliant & True – Whether you live in the concrete jungles of Seattle or the Wild Country of Dakota
Thank you, Annie Mae!
This is such a wonderful post!!! And as I read it, I realize that all of your points are exactly what we are doing in our relationship…and it’s so encouraging. Thank you so much!
Thank you! And I am glad to hear of your wonderful relationship — makes life grand!
Wonderful, heartfelt advice from someone who’s actually “walking the walk.” My hubbs and I have similar “rules” and one of ours is “keep dating.” Date nights are the buoy we swim to against the undercurrent of daily living
Boom-chicka-mow-mow!
MJ
haha — love it! Your comments always make me smile.
I love this post. There needs to be more women willing to fight for a good marriage and work at keeping it that way! My hubby and I have been married for 4 years, but in December we’ll celebrate 12 years together, and this is what I’ve learned. It is so very important never to take your spouse for granted. See them as you did when you first met. Love them intensely and passionately every day because that’s all you have. And never let them forget how sexy you think they are and how much you want them
Respect them as the leader of the house. And last, but not least, don’t let the stresses of life, money, or raising a family put out your flame. Make a point EVERY day of carving out intimate time for you and him, even if it’s just cuddling on the sofa or in bed talking. I cannot tell you how crucial this last one is. And it works wonders 
So true, and thanks for reading! Sounds like you have a pretty good life together.
Those are amazing suggestions and so very very true. I think you have to be authentic too. You can do the actions and the motions but if you’re not truly happy when they come home, or grateful for that simple little thing than it’s just empty.
Thanks, Marta!
Lovely words of wisdom and encouragement! A good relationship is work of the most rewarding, fulfilling kind. Enjoy!
Thank you, Madeline!
Love, love, love this post. I couldn’ t agree more! Well said!
Piper
Thank you Piper! Nice new blog name!
we have five years this November too, and the road has been of course some times not soo easy..but your “10 ways” list is really nice and helpful always.. no matter the couple or the “era”
Thank you! And hope you have a good five-year celebration!
From the… good heavens, is it the fifteenth anniversary coming up already?, I can offer only one amendment and an amplification; on #3, while it is good to try the other’s interests, accept that some things you will never see the point in, and allow them the same freedom. My wife is would rather not watch a Godzilla movie, I find some of her musical interests tedious, and we’re both cool with that and let the other enjoy their own thing in merry solitude. The amplification is on #7– many TV couples, and some one encounters in real life, seem to think that there’s some sort of struggle for supremacy in the marriage, which cannot be good for the relationship. The defeats of one lessen the other, and the triumphs of one elevate both. #3 will help a lot in the area of claims upon TV remote, of course, and that sort of thing should be as much of a contest as a couple ever engages in.
You do look to be on the course to making it to Little Old Country Man’s Little Old Wife; congratulations, and long may you wave!
Such wisdom in someone so young. Loved it!
Thank you very much!
Really like this post. My husband and I just hit our five year wedding anniversary. For the last two years we’ve lived abroad – a long way away from our families and friends – and that puts a lot of pressure on a relationship. In the end, if you can hang on through the really tough times, you end up reinforcing the foundations of the relationship and getting even stronger. Thanks for this lovely post.
So true. I’ve read marriages take a lot more pressure without family support nearby. That has to make it hard. But you’re right; if you can grow stronger through this, then you will make it through the next hurdle. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Excellent suggestions! Keep on following your own advice and your marriage should be a strong and enduring one.
Hi, I dated a girl once from Illinois and her mom raised six children including a pair of twins. Her dad got home everyday at about the same hour, bout 4:30 pm. So everyday, her mum would freshen up by washing her face, brushing her hair, and putting on a fresh top. Everyday. She told her daughter, it was just a nice thing to do for her husband as he entered their home each evening. But I loved your list. And I love your attitude. I think it’s honest. When you do things and take actions to be loving and kind (instead of talking about it) then those acts are real and of substance and they affect the persons to whom they are directed…husbands and companions, friends, family members. Robert
Thanks, Robert! I have noticed feelings almost always follow actions. Loving actions definitely create a loving home! (But we’re still both works-in-progress)
Thank you for reading!
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