Beyonce,
I watched you perform last night from the warmth of a friend’s home. From the moment your silhouette slowly, seductively made its way up on to the well-lit stage, two words came to mind: uh… oh.
Uh-oh because of the world I find myself in that is quick to to come down hard on a woman who doesn’t live up to their conditions. Uh-oh because I knew of all the criticisms to come, the worst flowing from the mouths of your own kind: women.
I don’t understand women who don’t support other women. We have to. – Martina McBride
Criticisms like “God help her”, “That’s no way a woman should dress”, “I had to turn my TV off”, “This is what’s wrong with our country today”.
But truthfully, Beyonce, this isn’t even about you… this is about all women: my sister, my mom, my friend, you… me.
This is about every woman who worked hard to buy a window outfit that spoke to her, only to have someone call her “slutty” or “inappropriate” or “trashy” when she found a night to wear it.
This is about that mentee with the mentally unstable mother, who bought a cute shirt at the second-hand store after earning the money at a real job, but it could never meet the quality of her peers (and I watched it happen).
This is about me being so damn tired of women not supporting one another.
This is to women with young daughters, who hear every tsk tsk and “We need more role models, not scantily dressed women on stage!” you utter. Because you are the main role model, and at this very moment, you are teaching them how to treat other women.
And because I don’t want to ever again see that look on a young girl’s face when she learns her outfit and body have enemies she didn’t expect, and she finds she can’t trust a women’s voice again.
Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
Country Wife
Your writing continues to amaze me, well done on another post that said exactly what needed to be said so eloquently.
Thank you so much!
That’s awesome. I thought you were going to join the negative bandwagon, but I guess I should have known that’s not you. Ditto, to everything you wrote!
Thanks so much for reading and for your sweet comment!
yes yes YES!
Thank you, ABO!
I couldn’t care less about the Super Bowl Halftime Show (and don’t care much more about the Super Bowl itself) but I couldn’t agree more about the current state of misogyny in this country. Not sure what it is about Beyonce that makes her garb so much worse than the stuff we see every day on TV and in ads and on the sides of the road but I think it is silly that in this nation we still cannot allow women to be free to do as they please.
Hope this gets Freshly Pressed and shoved in the faces of those who criticize just to criticize.
A great deal must depend on where you live. I live in a conservative state with many great points, but there are times when I realize we need to move forward in how we treat and accept people. Thank you for reading and commenting!
BOOM! Amen, amen, amen.
Thanks, Jessy!
You’re welcome. I didn’t really even notice what she was wearing… mostly how that woman WORKS for every single thing she has. I’m not a Beyonce fan, but I sure can respect her.
Wow — I didn’t even know she DID offend anybody — I thought she was spectacular!! But your point is so well taken; we need to be generous with our appreciation and kind with our words, especially towards our sisters!
And this is why I truly adore you, Betty!
This is wonderful. And spot on.
Thanks so much, Rachel!
I’m not sure why anyone critiques another’s choice of clothing. I’m not a fan of Beyonce’s music, but I appreciate her talent and I think she looks, dances and dresses beautifully. I think it’s just silly how women treat each other, I always have. A lot of it boils down to envy and insecurity.
Nice post… I found it refreshing!
Thank you, LSD, I am not surprised at all that you wouldn’t criticize other women. You seem a great example of security in who you are. Now that’s refreshing!
I don’t know what she wore either. One thought that I had, was Wow! the energy and stamina that she must have. She did not even look tired. A few times she looked like she was having such a good time!
She did, didn’t she? I thought she was captivating. Her outfit and talent combined with the lighting was mesmerizing. Thanks so much for reading & commenting!
Bravo!
Thank you!
I thank you-:)
Excellent post. We can be so vicious to one another. I suppose it’s easier to judge than to accept that someone can be perfectly right and perfectly different from us.
That’s a great way to put it. Thanks so much for stopping in, Tori!
Amen, to that!
Thank you, Winsome!
Well said!
Thank you, Angie!
Yes yes yes! We are all beautiful and loveable and it starts from within, but we have to have each others’ backs…and I don’t mean with a knife in hand.
So true! It’s a much nicer way to live, isn’t it? Thank you for reading and commenting, Tobi!
Sometimes this kind of attitude stems from jealousy and comparison. I think deep down we women all wish we could be as free and confident about ourselves and our bodies as Beyonce seems to be…but most of us aren’t, so we judge. Of course, that isn’t to say Beyonce is perfect or the perfect role model–most celebrities aren’t. However, I myself did enjoy her performance–and although my immediate reaction was to judge, I stopped myself and just chose to enjoy the fun she and her dancers seemed to be having! It does look like a lot of fun.
And yes, I, too have learned that when a woman tries to be beautiful and try something maybe a little less conservative or flaunting or whatever you want to call it…Or when a woman is successful or smart or anything…other woman judge, usually because of jealousy and insecurity and comparison. That’s the root of many women and why they don’t encourage and support each other.
I agree – it’s easy to default to judgment and criticism, isn’t it? I often have to take a step back and challenge myself to step outside of my own issues and see people in a kinder light.
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful comment!
These are my thoughts. We as women certainly must support each other. We must teach our daughters to value themselves, to treat others with respect, and to never look down upon another human being. These things are first and foremost. What Beyonce wore was a costume. Nothing more. She would not be expected to wear it shopping. People must be able to understand the difference between performance wear and real clothing. Here is my only concern for women, and this is important,for all women to stand strong together on this. Men are objectifying us. They are treating us as second class. Most of us are aware of this. The way we act, the way we dress are very important. Over 60% of men watch porn. How are they looking at you? Hopefully with respect. It’s up to all of us to educate ourselves and our daughters against the dangers of being objectified. We certainly have the freedom to dress as we please, and should never be criticized for it. That’s wrong. We need to stand up as women for the right to be respected and to be treated well, without fear.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment, Kath. While I see what you’re saying, I disagree to some extent. I don’t want to sent the message women have to cover up, watch themselves, because some men haven’t evolved beyond instincts. However, Beyonce is a performer and for the most part, untouchable, unlike many women and girls in our country who dress sexually and become targets. So I see what you’re saying. This would be a better coffee shop conversation!
Here is another take on this subject if you’re interested: http://abelovedone.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/i-dont-think-youre-ready-for-this-beyonces-superbowl-halftime-show/
Thanks for the response. I read the other article. It was very good. It’s good to have different viewpoints. It is a hard subject, that’s for sure. There is no easy answer. The best thing is just to love each other as women and not judge.
By the way, I love your blog. It’s beautiful and thoughtful.
Sent from my iPad
I think putting all the blame on men for “objectifying” women is wrong. Sorry, but it ‘s not “us vs them”, and I don’t think it serve either gender to say we have to support each other as women, but look down our noses at men while we do it.
I look at my daughter, who is turning 12, and her classmates. The boys? They worship the very ground the girls walk on…they are at that age where girls are awesome and scary, and they just want to be around them. Yeah, the boys act goofy sometimes, but for the most part, they are good spirited about it, and it’s a beautiful thing to see a 12 year old boy hold the door open for a girl and say “you go first!” Now, the girls? Different story…they laugh, they giggle, they point-all normal stuff, but then you see the ones who make snide remarks, who push past the boys without a word of thanks, and once 1 girl does it, the bulk of them follow (I caught my daughter doing this, and made her go back and apologize, and say thank you for holding the door for her. It’s not okay for her to treat a boy like crap, just because she’s a girl)…guess what that does to the boy holding the door?
So, when we say that men need to respect us women, it’s a 2 way street. While we’re teaching our daughters to be good strong women who want to be loved and respected by men, we also need to teach them to not be ball busting bitches, and remember that the other gender has feelings too, and deserve our respect as well. In short, both genders need to be taught common courtesy, and how to respect each other.
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As for Beyonce…well, I’m not a football fan, so I didn’t see the half time show, nor am I a fan of her music, but I did see some of the after game reactions to her show. and was gobsmacked by it. I figure what she wears to work, is what she wears. Her job is to be an entertainer, and if, in her job, her clothing is a little less than her day-to-day life, well, that’s what it is. Just because her work clothes differ from mine, who am I to judge her for it? What I’d really like to know is who her seamstress is, because I’d love to get the scoop on how to sew some of those garments myself!
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I did not watch the half-time show, but I can imagine what Beyonce must have worn. She is a stunning woman, and for a woman to get where she is today, she has to be a glamorous dresser and show what she’s got, not just in talent. It’s the whole package. Hey, Betty Grable showed those gorgeous legs all those years ago, and Ive never heard a word said against her.
Hmm.. I will have to look up Betty Grable. Thanks for commenting, and Happy Anniversary to you two!
This is so much the truth. And I hope your post triggers a growing revolution of women supporting rather than sabotaging themselves and each other. Women are harsh on other women, yes, but they are brutal to themselves, too. Such a waste.
That’s a great point… it’s hard to be nice to others when we’re not nice to ourselves. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
I read this several days ago and I’m not believing the feedback. I am moved to write the following. She is an entertainer!! I have nothing but admiration for this Houston grown girl who auditioned for and earned spots at the highly rated HISD magnet school Parker Elementary and then on to HSPVA (Houston School of the Performing and Visual Arts). Her dad was a motivational speaker in our area who I heard several times at meetings at my high school. She and her dad launched recovery efforts after Katrina and Ike.
I thought her costuming was stunning for her superbowl performance. I kept comparing her costume with her other back up singers — she was a stand out in her lace! Please know she and her mother have launched the House of Dereon, a ready to wear line of clothing…they are not amateurs. She herself has stated, I am a lady and I dress like a lady, however what I wear on stage is for the stage.
Bob Mackie, designer who dressed Cher, put it in perspective when I heard him say, “I dress her (Cher) for work. I design her work clothes.”
Still I remember listening to her dad, very proud of his baby girl. He and his wife endured hardships — separation yet back together — to help her succeed. I saw nothing but a mother and father’s efforts coming to fruition. Sheeesh!
Wow… what a great back story you shared. It really helps to know a person’s story, doesn’t it? Thanks for including an important perspective; glad to hear from you.
I think a lot of girls feel they have to dress a certain way to get attention. The costume Beyonce had on wasn’t the worst I’ve seen, and her dancing wasn’t the most seductive, though it was seductive. I personally don’t want to dress like that because I don’t think it’s appropriate or wise for anyone besides my future husband to see as much skin as possible. So I won’t necessarily stand behind ladies flaunting their bodies because I want them to know they’re gorgeous without that. But I can see why ladies have “stage” costumes, whether I agree with it or not…people shouldn’t have to put on a pole act for others entertainment. :-/ I just wished more girls knew that what made them so beautiful is what’s on the inside, not as much on the outside.
Awesome read! Sorry I’m late. I haven’t even watched her performance yet, if it’s any consolation to my delay. Beyonce is from down here and no one better say anything bad about her in this town or find their house egged or worse.
Wow! I love the support she has in her area. It really must depend on where you live. Some people have a hard time accepting that these times, they are a changin’.
If you can’t say anything good, then don’t say anything at all!
sayings from my country mom …R.I.P.
Some good points I find in your article, comments as well. I think being supportive of other women as being positvely in all of our best interest too.
As for the times – they’ve pretty much changed a long time ago for the most part especially to just about anything goes as far as what we’ve accepted in society, all except for the hypocrisy it seems in ways of treating some for their, as put “seductively” acting vs. others such as shall we say cheerleader’s with their very skimpy outfits displaying of basically the same thing no? I observed some of the same arguments too via social media, with some getting so mean they do not seem to serve to edify anyone really… oh hmm, what was it granny use to say… oh yes, pretty is, is pretty does in word or deed.
We have here other factors besides “jealousy”… Another’s sideline
(you know I am not one known to usually this, but this comment turned in to a whole other article!)
What do ya know, I just stopped in to see what you’re up to, then decided to write something. What a catalyst, your posts always are interesting with an edge! Have a great week(“-”)
Thank you for reading! It’s sorta the thing to do among bloggers, avoid hot topics like this, but this stuff matters to me so there I went. I didn’t see much for online arguments, just people on my personal FB page making critical comments about her. It is funny how we often choose to set the acceptable standard in our life, decide what’s right and wrong, and then condemn those who don’t abide. All I can do is challenge myself to do better than I’ve done. Again, thanks for reading and commenting!
My pleasure, always a joy knowing you are here. I do believe I finally got the ping to work<3
http://anniejanae.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/2448/ trying to add the link to the rest of comment/article, even tried a ping too but it’s just being impossible tonight.
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