a crazy girl’s soul

I close my eyes to write something, anything.

In the background, I hear Country Man singing Crazy Girl by the Eli Young Band.

My eyebrow raises in wonderment to why it is he always sings that song. But he smiles as he sings, so I know.

~~~

Lately this soul garden of mine has been taking root, like a fig tree in early spring. It stings something strange yet distantly familiar, but I am thankful. A person can go a lifetime without tending to this garden, in fear of that unknown pain. But like the fig tree, a soul needs proper care to grow, produce fruit.

The Soul Garden
When a soul is flocked with ugly, there is pain. I’ve seen a lot in my line of work, and I ask, how do I redeem it?

I’ve seen the broken steps that lead to the broken homes, filled with mean dogs and mean mommas and long-gone fathers, children with searching eyes and desperate souls, longing to fill it and will most likely fill it with the available ugly in life.

I want to hold their head to my chest and rock them, tell them that on the other side of heaven, grace abounds and beauty is eternal. Love is the only language spoken, the only one known.

The ugly in me wanted to take revenge on those who caused scars to our precious, to write them off as if they have no value at all. To cast them away, far far away. To mark them with a scarlet, no black, letter. Scarlet seemed to good for them.

But now, I know, know, know, forgiveness is the only answer, the only way to make a difference. It heals. It refreshes. I have experienced it and can now look at people through new eyes. To see the legacies of their ugly, and now it’s their turn.

When the ugly is overcome, it’s like leaving the windows open on a sunshine spring day, a light breeze blowing the thin dancing curtains, and your beloveds arms wrap gently around a soul free while swaying to the sound of a familiar melody…

Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you? Silly woman, come here, let me hold you…

crows flying

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62 thoughts on “a crazy girl’s soul

  1. Let the fresh air pour in…I so can relate to this post! I worked in the the Domestic Violence sector…hard stuff, I let too much in, though it is difficult to be guarded and accepting of their pain at the same time. I always want to fix. So I tried. So I cried.

    Jess

  2. “But now, I know, know, know, forgiveness is the only answer, the only way to make a difference.”
    You are right. Forgiveness is often times the most difficult thing, but the most necessary. Forgiveness is less about the one being forgiven and more about the one doing the forgiving…….because without forgiveness, bitterness is what is left…..and that is no place to live.

  3. We can not know love, without knowing what love is not. I try to be thankful for all that I live and experience. For with the experience, comes understanding, compassion, and a deeper sense of love.

  4. I always fall into your words. And I don’t say that to many people. Societies are only as good as the value they place on their members. And all over the planet, societies consistently abuse the people who are the least able to defend themselves. In this country, child abuse is rampant. Sexual slavery exists in every state. Forgiveness is an important step on the path to recovery for the abused. But along with forgiveness, we must all (including the victims of abuse) take a stand. And, in the midst of forcing ourselves to be aware of that which disturbs and horrifies us beyond belief, we get to appreciate and to honor what we have in our lives that nurtures us and gives us joy..

    • What a great comment, Renee, I really appreciate it. What I have taken from experiences in this field of working with broken families, is that anger can be an easier response, because otherwise, hopelessness takes over. When you see the generational abuse, you wonder will they ever see the light? We just had some eyes opened regarding sexual slavery in Sioux Falls, and this is little ol’ South Dakota. But as you said so well, we have to take a stand. Be proactive over apathetic. And not let it make us crazy when we clock out and step into our own safe homes.

  5. Absolutely. Forgiving someone doesn’t meant that what the other person did was okay. It means accepting what happened and not trying to live in a world of “what ifs.”
    Beautiful post – beautiful thoughts, beautiful photos, beautiful song.

  6. Wow what wonderful thoughts. Touched me and reassured me of the forgivness that I need to give to some in my life and some that use to be in my life. thanks!!

  7. I don’t often slow down enough to comment, and I really should. Your post and writing (as well as the photo’s) for Today’s blog post is nothing short of inspired.

    I often find snippets of such thoughts, but never have I managed to hammer out the details, to articulate the response to such life prompts.

    Truly well done. And thank you for this. It’s just boosted my whole evening.

    God Bless you, and all those you hold dear.

    Daniel

  8. Yesterday I read a fabulous article about gratitude by From the Bungalow; reading this today is like a double-hitter of my favorite things. Better by far than chocolate and beer? Gratitude and forgiveness.

    I wrote one of my lengthiest blogs ever on the subject of forgiveness, but it’s hard could be summed up like so:
    “But now, I know, know, know, forgiveness is the only answer, the only way to make a difference. It heals. It refreshes.”

    So true, and beautifully put!

  9. your writing is absolutely beautiful. i was especially moved by this description:
    Iโ€™ve seen the broken steps that lead to the broken homes, filled with mean dogs and mean mommas and long-gone fathers, children with searching eyes and desperate souls, longing to fill it and will most likely fill it with the available ugly in life.

    thank you for sharing. and don’t stop loving.

  10. As one working with the wounded precious, it is much easier to forgive the one causing the pain when I look at them as whole people, with a history full of wounds themselves. Evil doesn’t come out of nowhere, but is planted by previous evil. To prevent abuse requires healing those who have been abused. Something our society is reluctant to acknowledge.

  11. Love that song and especially that Country Man chose it for you. Funny that he doesn’t even have to say anything, just smile! Have a great week on that compliment from your man.
    Mylene

  12. I always enjoy your posts, but today, though you did not know it, you made me feel better about the new blog I am writing. And, feeling better about it makes me feel a little bit braver about sharing it. Thank you! ~ Lynda
    PS: Sometimes, the kids grow up and somehow learn how not to be what they were raised to be, how not to let the ugliness stick to them… to see the beauty as well as the rest and find it in their heart to forgive.

  13. First, let me say that something about this post was powerfully moving. I used to work with teen delinquents in a few different public school systems. I was reading your words about your desire to hold them, and thinking, I guess, how different that might be from anything they have ever known or experienced before.
    I was going to mention some things that I witnessed in those days, but those stories don’t belong here.
    It seems like all those kids would have needed was a little holding when they were young. A little care, ya know?

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